


baby, we done, done enough talking

by andfluorescentlights (Itisjustmyself)



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Alternate Universe - No Powers, M/M, Spideypool Bingo 2019, well sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 08:25:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19741882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itisjustmyself/pseuds/andfluorescentlights
Summary: Sometimes Peter really wished he wasn't basically a Disney Princess with R-rated language, but the universe doesn't change just because he wishes and so he's able to talk to pretty much anything besides plants. Then again he is able to talk to plants, they just don't usually answer.And maybe, just maybe, the skill is actually useful when a hot guy and his dog move in next door.





	baby, we done, done enough talking

**Author's Note:**

> So, here it is. My first prompt fill for the spideypool bingo 2019. This bingo is meant to get me back into writing, so I'll be doing the logical and strategic thing of writing whatever prompt inspires me and hoping to somehow end up with a bingo.  
> You can check my card [here](https://tonightthestarsalign.tumblr.com/bingo).
> 
> This is the fill for "Neighbors" and partly inspired by a prompt I read somewhere:  
> "I am a dog whisperer and yours is telling me to ask you out."   
> Sadly I don't remember where the prompt is from - so if you know, please let me know.
> 
> This isn't betaed, so sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> Title from Halsey's "Now or Never"

Peter has been able to talk to animals for pretty much as long as he can remember. His parents as well as Aunt May and Uncle Ben never really believed him when he told them, and honestly he can’t really blame them for it. So around age six or seven Peter stopped insisting to grown ups and just kept quiet about his skills. 

So by the time he’s in his mid twenties, there’s only Gwen, his best friend that knows of his skill. And that’s only because he couldn’t really hide it when they were living in the same aparment with two cats during college. It doesn’t matter that much anyway. Had he gotten to choose his superpower, he’d have gone for something cool like flying or telekinesis or maybe even control over elements and not just talking to animals, but the universe doesn’t let you choose anything and so here he is. Two times orphaned at only twenty-five and able to talk to his goddamn cat. At least it makes him a great vet. 

“Peter!” Oreo, his cat calls out to him from where he’s sitting beside the apartment door.

“I’m busy.” Peter replies from where he’s lying beneath the kitchen sink, trying (and failing) to repair the leaking faucet. But Gwen had laugh and bet him ten dollars he’d not be able to fix it himself when he told her, and Peter is nothing if not poor and stubborn. “What is it now?”

Oreo scratches against the wooden door. “I want to go outside. There’s all this noise. Something’s happening.”

Peter rolls his eyes. “You’re an indoor cat for a reason. I’m not letting you out.”

“But I wanna know what’s going on.” Oreo whines and slinks over to Peter. “Please?”

“I really need to finish this.” Peter grumbles, twisting one of the nuts along the pipes a little harder. He’s pretty sure if he just tightens this part, the leaking will be gone. “And it’s probably just the new neighbor moving in across the hall.”

“Oh no.” Oreo suddenly exclaims.

Peter shoots up, hitting his head on the counter in her hurry to check on the cat. “What happened?”

“It smells like dog. They have a dog!” Oreo whines annoyed. 

From Peter’s experience not all cats actually hate dogs, but Oreo does so with a passion. And, as if to prove the cat’s assumption a loud woof is heard from the hallway. “I’ll have to go over and say hi later.”

“Why? Obviously wasted time. They’re dog people.” Oreo grumbles and stalks off towards the bedroom.  
An hour later the kitchen is flooding. Oreo has climbed the kitchen counter to avoid coming in contact with the water and while he’s desperately trying to stop the mess with one hand and call Gwen with the other. 

“Help!” Peter exclaims as soon as Gwen picks up. “The kitchen is flooding. How do I shut it off?”

Gwen laughs. “So you didn’t even shut off the water before you tried to fix it?” 

“No.” Peter sighs. “I didn’t. Now please, stop laughing and help me.”

“The valve should be in the basement, next to the washing machines.” 

“What’s she saying? Is she telling you how to fix it?” Oreo asks from her perch on the counter. Even though Peter doesn’t speak an ‘animal language’, animals can only understand him and not everybody, except for like the typical hand full of words they’re taught. 

“There’s not an individual valve for the sink?” Peter asks, straight up ignoring his cat. 

Gwen sighs deeply. “That’s what you were supposed to fix. Just, shut off the water in the building. I’m coming over.” The line clicks. 

“What did she say?” Oreo yowls. “Fix it!”

“Shut up.” Peter snaps. “I am trying to fix it.” 

“You’re horrible. I want a new home.” The cat exclaims primly.

“Stop being a child.” Peter answers when there’s a knock on the door. “Come in. It’s open. Thank you so much for coming. I couldn’t just let the water spray everywhere.” 

“Cause that’s obviously helping.” A deep, dry voice replies. 

In shock Peter jumps, let’s go off the towel he’d been using to hold closed the pipe and gets sprayed all over with water.

“Oh god, I’m sorry.” The stranger grabs the towel, swiftly stuffing it back against the pipe. 

“Who are you?” Peter asks as he’s wiping the water out his face. The guy is seriously hot, all straight nose, high cheekbones and biteable jaw line. There are a bunch of white scars curling over his skin, but Peter’s distracted by the glittering brown eyes. He wants to lick this stranger. 

“Wade Wilson.” The smile flashed at Peter in unreal. “Just moved in next door. What happened?”  
“There was an… accident.” Peter settles on. “My friends on here way over to fix it.” 

“I noticed the water pressure dropping and figured I’d ask about yours did as well, but… I see why now.” Wade grins. “You try to fix it or what?”

“Shut up.” Peter scowls, but he can’t help the blush he feels burning on his cheeks. 

Seconds later Gwen steps into the apartment and drags Peter off to show him how to shut off the water main. By the time they’re back in the apartment, Wade is wringing out the towel over the sink and Peter’s mouth goes a little dry at the sight of his arms. 

“I’ve been trying to clean up a little, but the towels not really helping.” Wade tells him as they approach.

“Oh no, please, you don’t need to. I’ve already interrupted your day.. I can’t let you clean here.” Peter blushed.

“I’m here already and soaked through the bone anyway.” He smiles brightly and Peter hates himself for how weak in the knees said smile makes him. “Now, more towels or a mop?”

“Ah… I don’t have a mop, but wait I’ll show you the towels.” He leads him to the closet in the bathroom where the towels are stores and opens it, only to find himself looking at Oreo.

“You know you’re not supposed to be in there.” Peter tells the cat.

“I’m protecting myself.” Oreo replies. “Towels make you dry.”

Peter picks up the cat as well as several towels and turns back to Wade. 

He grins. “That is one vocal cat.” 

“Yeah, he’s also quite annoying.” Peter answers, ignoring Oreo’s grumble of protest. “Thank you so much for helping.”

“Absolutely no problem.” And the smile that follows these words should really require a weapons license. 

By the time they’re back in the kitchen, Gwen has fixed the leak and grins at Peter. “Easiest fix in the world. I’ll go turn on the main again and then you owe me a beer.” 

Peter and Wade start wiping up the large puddles on the floor when Wade turns to look at him.

“In all the mess I didn’t ever get the chance to ask your name?”  
“Peter, Peter Parker.” He answers. “Great way to meet someone.” 

“Yeah, well.” He grins when Gwen walks back in.

“I’m collecting that beer.” She exclaims, opening the fridge straight away. “Fuck, there’s none in here.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t manage to buy more since the last time you were over.” Peter replies. 

“I have a bunch of beer, if you guys wanna come over.” Wade offers.

“I’m game.” Gwen grins brightly at Wade.

“I probably shouldn’t.” Peter answers, gesturing at his soaked clothes.

“How about you change and come over in like ten minutes? Gives me time for a quick shower and change as well.” Wade tells him, already on the way out of the apartment.

“Wow.” Gwen breathes when they here the apartment door across the hall close. “He’s hot.” 

“Yeah.” Peter agrees as he makes his way towards his bedroom, because really there’s no way denying that.

“You should totally tap that.” His best friend tells him as she throws a new shirt at his head. It doesn’t escape his notice that it’s one of the shirts she claims makes him look really good. 

“I don’t think that’s a great idea.” Peter replies, as he pulls the shirt over his head. “If it goes south we’re still living next door to each other. Also, as if a guy like that would be interested in a nerd like me.”

“One day,” Gwen sighs, “one day, Peter Parker, you will realise that you’re actually quite hot. I can’t wait for that day.” 

When they knock on the door across the hall a couple minutes later, they’re greeted by Wade, wearing just jeans, clutching a large chocolate colored retriever by the collar. Maybe Peter really needs to get laid asap.

“New people! New people!” The dog barks happily.

Peter kneels down the pat his head. “Hey there buddy. I live across the hall.” 

“So you’re friends?” The dog asks. 

“Good boy.” Peter answers.

“I like scratches under the ears.” 

Peter complies before looking up at Wade. “What’s his name?”

“I… Woah.” Wade looks a little shocked. “That’s Max and he normally really doesn’t do well with new people.”

“Yeah, Peter’s sorta magic when it comes to animals.” Gwen grins. “Never met a pet that doesn’t like him.” 

They follow Wade into his living room, where he offers them the promised beers and Max doesn’t stray from Peter’s side. One beer turns into two as they all sit and chat about their lives and jobs and it’s pretty much the most fun Peter’s had in awhile. Wade is not just hot but also has the same humour as Peter does and is just overall fun to be around and Peter’s very well aware he’s screwed.

“So, this is a little rude, but you mentioned you get off shift around three?” Wade asks as the evening draws to a close. “Would you mind maybe taking Max for a walk when you get home? I work until six or so, and I don’t want to leave him alone all day. I was going to hire a pet sitter, but like I said, he doesn’t do well with most people… I’d pay you of course.”

“Oh sure, I’d love to. I only got Oreo and I miss being around dogs.” Peter smiles, and if it gives him the chance to see Wade more, then that’s just a lucky coincidence.

Peter’s been walking Max for close to three months when the dog looks up at him as they’re walking through the park and asks: “What’s a date?”

Peter blushes and stutters. “Why are you asking?” People tend to look at him a little crazy when he talks to Max in public, but then again many people talk to their dogs so he doesn’t really care. 

“Wade had a friend over and they talked a lot about something called a date.” Max tells him.

“Oh, well, when two humans like each other a lot they tend to do things alone, just the two of them, and that’s called a date.”

“You should go on a date with Wade then.” Max barks happily. “He was really sad about not getting to go on one.”  
“No, Max, you really have to like someone to go with them on a date and I don’t think Wade likes me that much.” Peter answers, another blush creeping up his cheeks.

“Yes, he does.” Max answers seriously. “He smells so much happier when you’re around. Please, go ask him!”

“I… I’ll think about it okay.”

Peter had hoped the dog would forget about their talk soon enough. Dog’s weren’t always the smartest. But Max did not forget. He kept reminding and asking Peter about the date and it was getting harder and harder to say no. He really wanted to go on a date with Wade, but Peter was scared of what may happen if it went wrong. He didn’t want to lose a friend, of which he really didn’t have a lot, over this.

They were hanging out in Wade’s apartment on a Saturday night, playing games on an Xbox and Max kept bumping his head against Peter’s leg. “Ask him! Ask him!” 

“Not now Max.” Peter sighed, trying to push the dog away a little, but to no use.

“I wonder what’s up with him. He usually really isn’t like this.” Wade said, as he looked at his dog questioningly.

“ASK HIM!”

Peter let out a deep sigh. “Alright.” He pressed pause on the game. “Wade… I have to tell you something. Or two things actually.”

“Yeah?” Wade placed his controller down on the coffee table and turned to look at Peter.

“I know this sounds crazy but I can talk to animals.” Peter bit his lip nervously as he looked at his friends.

“What? No way.” Of course Wade didn’t believe him. Peter had expected as much.

“Ask me something only Max would know. Just to humor me real quick, please.”

Wade still looked unsure, but hesitatingly asked: “What do I sometimes let him do, although we both know he shouldn’t?

“He lets me eat from his plate.” Max exclaimed, his tail whipping back and forth happily.

Peter scrunched up his nose. “You let him eat from your plate, which is gross by the way.”

“I know, but w-” Wade interrupted himself and looked at Peter with huge eyes. 

“Ask him.” Max pushed once more.

“So, yeah…” Peter’s courage was rapidly leaving him. “I think I’m gonna go then.”

“Ask him.” Max butted his head against Peter’s leg once more.

“What does he want?” Wade asked.

“Nothing, just a discussion we had a while ago.”

“Ask him.” 

“Not now Max.” Peter said as he got up from the couch.

“Seriously, what is it?”

“Look, I am not going to be your translator for your dog. I am a person and I need to go.” Peter snapped annoyed. 

“You told me.” Wade snapped. 

“Obviously a mistake.” He replied curtly. 

“Why? ‘Cause I need a fucking minute to adust? It’s not every day the person you’re in l-” He stopped, taking a deep breath. “A person you care about just drops this kinda shit on you.”

“Cause the only fucking reason I told you, is cause I’m really fucking into you and I wanna date you, but I wanted to get this out of the way first, because-” The rest of the senctece get muffled, when Wade grabs him by the collar and pulls their lips together and kisses Peter like a storm.

It messy and they clack teeth, but it’s also passionate and makes Peter’s stomach flutter in that wonderful way only few things can. Wade’s arms have settled around Peter’s waist and Peter lifts his to Wade’s neck. 

They only break apart when Max lets out a loud bark. “Eww, gross.”

Peter blushes. “So…” He trails off unsure.

“So,” Wade smiles at him. “I’m really fucking into you too and would love to date you. Oh and also, thanks for telling me, but I wanted to date you before that too.” 

Peter smiles back, burrowing his face in Wade’s shoulder. “Okay... “ And then in a moment of newfound courage he looks up at Wade’s face while biting his lip. “You know, I’ve never seen your bedroom…”

Wade laughs.


End file.
